


The Founders' Climax

by cloudeater (anxiousgoat), gigglefit (NoctuaLusa), Ravenclaw_Cait, seanisfinnigan, tschulie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Ghosts, Hogwarts Founders Era, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:42:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27431455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiousgoat/pseuds/cloudeater, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoctuaLusa/pseuds/gigglefit, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenclaw_Cait/pseuds/Ravenclaw_Cait, https://archiveofourown.org/users/seanisfinnigan/pseuds/seanisfinnigan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tschulie/pseuds/tschulie
Summary: As Salazar discovers his secret lover, things heat up rather quickly and it's all just a bit too much for Helga.
Relationships: Giant Squid/Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Godric Gryffindor/Salazar Slytherin, Helga Hufflepuff/Rowena Ravenclaw
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12
Collections: Fanatical Fam's Crackfic Chaos





	The Founders' Climax

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Crackfic written by the Fanatical Fam over on the discord for the Fanatical Fics and Where To Find Them podcast!  
> These fics have been created using our favourite bot - Chocolate Frogs - during a game we like to call Crackfic Chaos.

The sun was rising on Hogwarts Castle and Salazar Slytherin stood on the balcony of the astronomy tower surveying the forbidden forest and the hidden depths within. He pointed his wand at his wrist and spoke “tempus” to check the time. Only ten minutes until his meeting in the forest to reveal the author of the sexy secret love letters he had been receiving for weeks now. Salazar adjusted his robes and left the tower for the forest, ready to go and meet this secret admirer and find out once and for all of they truly loved him. 

As Salazar entered the previously-decided-upon clearing, he was disappointed to see that it was empty. Oh well, he would just have to wait for his secret admirer to arrive. Although he did hate people who were always late. Godric drove him crazy with the number of meetings he showed up to disheveled and 20 minutes after the start time. 

Wait... was that... Oh no. It can't be. Godric Gryffindor is entering this clearing right now. Disheveled and late. ... and with swords in both hands. That was not what Salazar had had in mind, when he asked Godric for a date in the Forbidden Forest. But if the lion wanted this to be like that - who was Salazar to not grant him that wish? He conjured his own swords and took a tentative step forward. The swords clashed together! Steel flashed, voices cried out, and eventually the duel ended with Salazar upside down in a ditch and Godric dangling precariously from a tree branch. They stared at each other. 

"Draw?" said Godric. 

"Draw," said Salazar.

Both of them checked themselves for injuries, what a disappointing outcome! A draw! Again! Well, the duel was done, so now they could go on to the more interesting part of the day...

Godric slowly made a few steps towards Salazar, then he got quicker and threw him on the floor, snogging him Salazar blinked. Usually, Godric did not come at him so fast. His kisses were almost desperate, his tongue exploring Salazar's mouth. Well, it was welcome any way. Slytherin kissed back with anger and passion, their relationship really was something special, Godric and he were really passionate as well in loving as in hating each other. His hands wandered down his partners body as he started tearing away their clothes. Salazar paused for a moment, wondering whether to comment on Godrics boxers, which had lions all over them which had been charmed to blow kisses at whoever removed them, but in the end he simply continued undressing Godric. Godric moaned as he but his nipples. Salazar groaned as Godric ran his fingers through his hair, reaching his shoulders and guiding Salazar down onto his knees. Salazar blew a kiss to the lion on Godric’s boxers before slipping them off down to his ankles. 

“My God” said Salazar, “they weren’t joking about the sword of Gryffindor being impressive” and he licked his lips in eager anticipation, before placing his hands on Godric’s hips and leaning forwards.

Suddenly, Godric gasped. Salazar looked up to find that Helga Hufflepuff was staring at the two of them in horror. 

"I'm sorry... no... I can't! I can't handle this," she screamed before ejaculating "Avada Kedavra!" 

The two ghosts looked at one another, shrugged, and went back to their business. Helga screamed and ran from the scene, burying her head in Rowena's lap and sobbing as soon as she entered the library. It did not take a long time until Helga's sobbing was drowned in Rowena's gasping. The wall of the castle shook from the volume of her moaning. 

“How could they do this to us” the founding women groaned. 

And then, they decided to have a little fun of their own. They each sought comfort from their tragedy and misery in the arms of each other. Helga frantically unbuttoned Rowena’s robes and cupped her breasts in her hands making Rowena throw her head back and gasp with excitement. Rowena grasped Helga’s face in both hands and pulled her into a passionate kiss, drowning out all the sadness she had felt moments before. The founding fathers may have been onto something Helga and Rowena thought as they began to explore one another’s naked bodies.

Back in the clearing, Godric was now on his ghostly knees and taking Salazar's incorporeal length in his mouth. Salazar let out a ghostly moan that could be heard in the library, and Rowena echoed it as Helga began to run her mouth over the bookish witch's nipples. Cries rang through the castle and its grounds as the two pairs of Founders rose to greater and greater heights of sexual acrobatics. Salazar and Gryffindor were tied in knots, while books rained down upon Rowena and Helga, who were having such a good time they barely even noticed.

As all of the four reached climax simultaneously the power of magic was so great that the castle itself gained magical life. It was now able to shift staircases, and even get into romantic and sexual relationships with Giant Squids.


End file.
